Let's see what happens if we try to give a little more as writers, as people
a gratitude post: to offer flowers to those we've learned from, gained from, and never overtly recognized
The more gratitude I have, the more gratitude grows within me. —Thich Nhat Hanh
Students representing eight years of classes gathered to meet each other and share the perils and possibilities of being emergent leaders in an upside down world. They met new friends and mentors and discussed hard topics. And, at the end of the day, the alumni presented their teacher with flowers.
In this case, the teacher happened to be me.
This felt surreal, to be honest. I do not cry, but I felt my face swelling. Not only did I get to see how far so many of my students had come (not to mention hear about their new struggles), I felt truly shocked and buoyed by the gesture.
Creatives and educators get thanks, but it’s not often expressed overtly, and many times thank-yous are attached to an ask. “Thank you for all you taught me, can you …?” Those who share knowledge are always being critiqued and evaluated for the very offerings we express, dissected and searched for human error.
When we offer the world our work, it is often met with long silences in which you’re not sure you’re making a difference or connecting. Sometimes there is resistance to ideas or confused faces, people who want you to give them what is expected, what is perfect, and occasionally (maybe more than occasionally) people who want to attach to you like a leech until they get what they want (connections, info, status).
But the days it comes with flowers or emails from past writing students who have books coming out or the occasional handwritten letter (or even large box of expensive wine that you don’t drink) from a student you wrote a letter of recommendation for are lovely.
“I’m not waiting for someone to die to give her flowers.” —Jackiethia Butch
The thing is … every time I am thanked without condition, I realize how many people I have yet to thank. The list is long, and it’s not just educators and writers. Many offer multitudes simply by living in generous ways.
Did I mention that I appreciate you, whether I know you personally or not? I appreciate that you are investing attention to sit and read my very human and often flawed. Thank you for exploring the world with me through the lens of words and ideas. Thank you for trusting me with your most valuable commodity: time.
And on that note, I appreciate all of the positive and influential people in my life. The teachers, family, friends, and all those who model the personal and relational leadership I hope to one day embody. I appreciate those who challenge me and urge me to question my limited ideas so that I can continue to grow—those who keep me from dogma or stagnancy.
As you well know if you read this blog or speak with me regularly, the direction of the online landscape disturbs me because I see so many humans adopting personas and rushing to be seen, piggybacking on others, copying ideas without attribution (even on a small scale), trading Likes for Likes, making transactional connections, and then rushing past each other in person. And all for such low stakes.
So many think they’ve invented the wheel that was rolled their way, and they rush to show off the “creations” they are in a position to purchase.
I’d like to argue for what my students, Jackiethia (a friend), and ex-students taught me: Recognize people and recognize them loudly.
If we reframe the way we look at our lives, even just today, and we look to the places where we can express appreciation to and for other humans and identify all the people we have to be grateful for, we can pull back power from those who thrive on chaos and destruction.
The people we look up to or take for granted are often under massive pressure and need our support to remain as strong as they are. I am returning to this practice from my A Year to Live challenge and consciously taking the next few days to think about and pay homage to those who have uplifted me and challenged me to be better.
I invite you to do the same. Receive their gifts (and all the gifts) with open arms. Receive them without shame or the wasteful emotions that surround guilt.
But also send those you see as under-recognized unexpected thanks and, more, do so publicly. Appreciate them in loud and reverberating ways.
The only way we will change the course of the current trends of placing the loudest few at the helm is to begin to recognize those quietly strong mentors, artists, and friends.
Whatever you are going through, however we’ve connected or not: I appreciate you, and thank you for slowing down with me once a week. Your attention and exchange is a gift I receive with open arms.
Prompt: Write the story of a person learning to be grateful the hard way. Make it unique, personal, weird and true to life.
Life prompt: Text, call, or write 5 people who have made a difference in your life. This could include authors you’ve admired but never told, family members you lean on but rarely listen to, those who helped you out along the way. Let me know how it goes.