On defiant joy & week 42 of 52

expect to be disappointed by the world and find joy nonetheless ✨️

During a celebration with friends a few weeks ago, we all picked a word we’d like to focus on this year. My word was Joy.

Doesn’t seem realistic, but I’ll try, I thought.

“Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” —Joseph Campbell

The word, Joy, came up again in another gathering. It seems counter-intuitive at a time when we are losing basic freedoms in America and being hurled toward an uncertain future.

Instead of worrying over "trigger warnings" in literature, we find that every news story is a trigger. The world feels triggering right now. So how do we find joy?

How does one even entertain the notion when we are all suffering?

The answer, I think, comes down to something we all knew in childhood and slowly, then quickly, forgot.

To steer clear of politics, I’ll stick with the writing and publishing process as an example. Since the beginning of 2024, I’ve been focusing on releasing expectations attached to my writing and rekindling my love affair with the process.

I no longer submit with the same urgency I used to, to rack up a list of fancy bylines. If they happen, they happen. I’m putting more effort into the creation and conscious sharing than the desire to get x, y, or z’s approval.

I no longer care. We all say that, but truly … I could give two fucks. My aim in writing is to a.) connect with those who connect, b.) release and explore, and c.) to find joy in the flow.

True joy exists beyond the narratives that are trying to destroy that joy. The narratives that tell us we should look, sound, or be like [fill in the blank] to get our esteem needs met.

When we release expectations and a desire to fix what we cannot control, however, we drop all that. Let’s find tiny joys tucked snuggly in life's offerings: connections, reflection, presence and unexpected moments of awe.

This is not easy, but we can find strength in each other’s authenticity and find ability to show up as our most complete selves even in impossible times.

Releasing the need to wait or find acceptance means writing truths and speaking truths. Same goes for everything. True and authentic work endures beyond its creator’s time.

To find joy in 2025, I believe, we don’t need to look harder but rather look within. Stop trying to buy it or acquire it or imbibe it or numb feelings with perceived achievement. Simply feel it when it arrives, savor it, and savor the rest, too.

After all, sometimes in difficult times, we can see clearer how much we value what we love and, also, our ability to share what we value with unfiltered, unwavering truth.

So joy, to me now, means not being polite. It means being willing to be banned.

It means showing up with radical love and sharing messages accordingly. Joy is protesting in defense of freedom. Joy is writing to explore and express what all good writing does—the potential of love to radiate through the pain.

Joy feels defiant right now. And that's why it's necessary.

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Give someone an unexpected gift, no matter how small; write an oped that focuses on defiant joy; then write a thank you to someone who is helping to keep you strong, whether or not you know them personally.

Write a story or poem that begins with a list of what you cannot control. Allow each thing to open up a dialogue. (Example: If I work hard, I expect success; if I give someone support, I expect a thank you; if I publish, people need to read — open up each one, explore it.)

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Less than 24 hours after I posted this, I got an offer on my personal essay collection from an academic press. Funny how that works. When I swore off all men, it took almost no time for my husband to show up in my life.