On Love, Desire & the Equinox
LOVE :: from the Old English lufu, Germanic origin; Indo-European root shared by Sanskrit lubhyati or ‘desires’; Latin libet ‘it is pleasing’ —OxfordLanguages
I love reading a good book with a warm mug of tea nearby and my pup’s head resting on my feet. I love sharing dinner and a glass or two of unchilled sauvignon blanc with friends. I love anyone in the world who is trying to do good for others despite personal struggles. I love traveling to new places—any new places, from a small Ohio town to a bustling foreign city—because it awakens something. I love a simple but rich sushi roll, right down to the process of dipping the sticky rice into a small pot of soy sauce laced with wasabi. I love a good hike on a cool, cloudy day. I love the idea of possibility. I love the feeling after a good workout, or when I dance with my husband in our living room. I love Bill Withers and Betty White and Bob Ross, even though I never met them. I love the feel of a tough breeze on a warm day. I love the momentum of creative expression. I love connecting with others to ponder philosophical questions, even though I am sure I will never find the answers.
The etymology of LOVE seems to imply that desire is closely related, but I wonder about the relationship between these words.
We are at a transition point in seasons, and this is a time rich with possibility. We clean out closets and reset routines. My personal practice is to take inventory of the previous season and reassess goals (which are born from desire, no?).
Winter 2023 was full of extremes. I lost a beautiful cat who had been with me for seventeen years. I worried about my mother’s brain surgery (she’s doing amazingly well now!) and my book release (see: last post). I felt the acute growing pains of my small business and struggled to keep up with emails. I had an inordinate number of students want to speak to me about their concerns over the future. Will I get this degree, only to be replaced by AI?
Perhaps due to all the tension of winter, I am craving something softer this spring. I want to lean more into love. Love of life, that is, which means a certain amount of letting go. Release. Meaning all the things I mentioned above and so, so much more.
But isn’t release—a letting go of goals and desires the true definition of love? And if this is true, has its meaning changed? One of my favorite thinkers/philosophers, J. Krishnamurti, often warned of the dangers of desire.
Desire means conflict. I want to be something, and in the very process of trying to become that something there is conflict, and then comes the demand, the effort to escape from the conflict. —J. Krishnamurti
This depicts the spiral of never-enoughness that many people feel. While I know I’ve toyed with this topic before, it seems a mainstay in my mind because I see the difference between love and desire everywhere. I see most pains, in fact, stemming from desire and most joy (even in the midst of sacrifice) stemming from love.
I’m not coming to a conclusion here. I’m posing a question. I’d love to know your thoughts. Is love desire? Does it contain desire? Or is it, despite the etymology, quite the opposite?
Whatever the opposite of desire, I think that’s what I’m aiming for this spring.
xo Jen
Is love desire? Great question. I think once upon a time I thought it was. Youthful thinking, desire being this/close to SEX. Desire being a want and love, also a want. But if we looked at love like a state? This is where I am. A feeling, fullness. There is no need to want because I am loved, have love, love.
But we think this is being complacent and complacency is wrong, so does that mean we should always be in a stage of want? That sounds horrible. Uggh.
And I didn't even touch on desire.
You know how I feel when it comes to writing about love, ha!
Another thoughtful post, Jen. You have a keen skill of bringing your readers into your experiences with you. Keep writing, keep sending. 💜