On Hide & Seek - Week 4 of 52

& why my nephew forgot about me

“Children see magic because they look for it.” – Christopher Moore

As a kid, I was always fascinated by the melancholy nature of most adults. Other kids seemed just fine, but the adults I met seemed so intense and restrained; it was as though stories were swirling inside them, pulsing in the tight containers of their bodies.

I felt sympathy for most of them, and I suppose my former self might feel the same for my current self. This idea makes me wonder how I appear to my nephew Tommy when we play kickball or chat about dinosaurs.

Does he look at me and think, “What’s going on with this one?” or “Poor adult. I’ll help her to remember how to play.” Was it a calculated move that he ‘forgot’ about me when it was my turn to hide during a game of hide and seek?

Judging from his laughter when I finally emerged, arms crossed in mock anger, it might’ve been a lesson in “loosening up.”

My childhood self was probably right to feel bad for many adults. We have issues. We’re often too tired or self-conscious or reactive and maybe it’s because we don’t just scream when we want to scream. We don’t just run when we want to run. We can’t. We live in societies. We live by social norms.

Noting the times we feel cloistered by life, the times we want to scream or run or laugh uproariously at inappropriate moments is something Levine brings up in AYTL as quite beneficial. Noting, according to Levine, is simple but not refined without practice. He offers a simple exercise that I’ve encountered in emotional intelligence literature. It goes like this:

… focus the attention inward, and count how many states of mind come and go in just five minutes. At first we may notice only a dozen or so. But as the method of relating to these states, instead of compulsively reacting to them, develops, they no longer distract us from our observation, and they are gradually exposed to inquiry

Warning: To note our emotions can make us feel a little off-kilter at first. That said, it’s an interesting and worthwhile practice that, yes, made me wonder about my sanity at first but ultimately offered assurance as I began to realize how quickly emotions and thoughts move on. The knowledge that every sensation is in a constant state of flux can be comforting when we’re ill at ease (this won’t last) and gratitude-inducing when we’re doing well (this won’t last, so I should cherish it).

So back to adults and our social norms … those tight little containers of emotions …

Writing prompt: (This is a good one.) Write about a time you/a character violated social norms in favor of emotional release.

AYTL prompt: Try the exercise of noting a few times this week, and keep your journal close. How many emotions or sensations do you notice in a minute? In five?

You might feel like you’re forcing it at first, but if you stick with it, it gets easier.

Tell me how you get on.