On wandering into the new & week 35 of 52
we all have a story that comes before and a story that comes after
“Home is everything you can walk to.” —Rebecca Solnit
It was a simple walk, no more than a mile from my home.
I was in my early twenties and barely able to stand, let alone move one foot in front of the other. What came before this moment doesn’t matter. What matters is that this was the first part of a journey from a sick and muddled time toward a new horizon.
I wrote about this walk last year, and the essay won the Montana Prize at CutBank. It was the story I didn’t have the courage to articulate until my forties, at least not in a way that didn’t injure my sense of pride. In fact, I was proud, prouder than I could’ve imagined. I was also happy that it only found the world through print in an academic lit journal, which means it reached just a few people, maybe people who were had found their own thresholds.
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My forehead was pulsing and actively developing a scar I now have just above my left eyebrow. I was in extreme pain, and I struggled to take each step. Nothing looked familiar, though I was not far from the neighborhood I grew up in. I wanted so desperately to fall back to the ground, to be immobile and stay that way.
But I knew that if I walked, I would find somewhere new.
Looking back, I probably had a concussion. I didn’t have insurance, so I never found out. What I did have was the open air and the feel of my heels finding the earth as I pushed my way forward. Walking alongside brick and concrete, rough edges for my finger tips to trace.
I continued to walk until my head cleared and the world began to make sense again. Objects began to solidify and I saw life all around me. I found my way home, and from that day forward I’ve been a new person who is only stronger for any pain endured.
We all have a story that comes before and a story that comes after. What divided mine was a simple walk.
“I have never succeeded in keeping some part of me from always wandering.” —Montaigne
Montaigne said that walks are revelatory. To wander is to clarify and live honestly in the world. “I do not portray being: I portray passing,” he said in his essay on walking, exploring how it is to move in the world rather than presume to be static.
We are always wandering, literally or not, but to wander the world physically is to find clarity. A walk can be the beginning of a new journey. It can help us to clear our heads, better understand how to articulate an argument or relieve our minds and bodies of pain.
A walk can loosen tense muscles and invigorate us. It can help us move our eyes around and take in the world rather than remain fixed on a screen. When we walk, we often look around and observe in a new way. A walk often brings creative ideas and can help us process ideas.
Walking can reset our energy when we feel drained from our daily responsibilities. A lot of clarity and pivotal moments happen during walks, but beyond walking from point A to point B, perhaps wandering is even more powerful.
Simply heading forward, with no additional goal in mind aside from a desire to invite in what is next, can offer one of the most simple but profound ways to change our lives, change the way we think, reconnect with ourselves, and create what we need to create in the world.
AYTL exercise: Take a mindful walk and when you reach a threshold—a door, a bridge, a crossing between two trees, or simply a crossing of a particular street—pause and acknowledge the YOU here now and the YOU on the other side of the street. Taking caution, of course, walk mindfully toward your future.
Writing prompt: Write about a crossroads, and you can use the threshold above as a symbol. Mine your past. Let this one go deep. Use it as a literary device to explore what it means to pass through and arrive on the other side of something. And if you get stuck … try walking.
Paid subscribers: Enjoy this walking meditation, and thank you endlessly for your support.
